F-ing new year

Guess what my news year’s resolution was for 2018? To get my garden life together!!!! What better time to start then a few days before the years end. I took all my notes and drawings of what I imagined I would accomplish this year and merge them all into a 2-day semi fun filled pile of work. Everything is muddy as hell the rain has come and gone come again for 2 seconds and gone like rushed porn scene.

 My neighbors across the way got a new cat. You know how I can tell? Cat shit in the garden again and compost pile. I forgot to cover it since I didn’t have to, the cats around the block and I have an agreement. I put out the food they shit in someone else yard.

I decided to put the wire mesh material over the actual bed instead of the sides like a fence. I think his fat fluffy ass is jumping on the brick wall jumping into the dirt then jumping back. I laid the fence material down thinking yes this is grand. I brought my grey cat out to test this new way of garden life and no he can not shit there. Your probably thinking perfect finally I will never read about cat shit in the garden again and this is true. But now you will hear of leaves. Leaves!!! Every ware. Soon as raked up there piles of leaves and put the wire down they managed to squeeze there wide body’s in the tiny holes. Ugh. Will this never end? I just want a garden that looks like it’s being maintained by fairies and clean trolls.

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Ugh. So, I will now rush myself into the phase I was going to try out in the summer. I’m going to build a pvc pipe and green house material coverup thing for the raised beds in the front yard. I will be back….

Back.

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 I measured twice, cut once. Clearly measured wrong now I need another pipe. I couldn’t find all the parts I needed so I used hot glue. Horrible idea, I burnt my fingers and the pipes didn’t stick.

I now have all the parts I need after going to another store and find pieces that would randomly stick together. Eeeeeeee excited. I used pvc pipe glue, its like super glue I couldn’t move the pipe after I put the glue on and placed it so its wonky as fuck. 😦 I couldn’t get netting any ware it town so I ordered on amazon.

Other then the plastic cover its done and its grand as long as the wind doesn’t take it away like it did my trampoline I should be on my merry gardening way.

FIN

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I grew a fucking JICAMA!!!!!

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The garden in my soul..

Today I said fuck this garden. I didn’t mean it but now all the blossoms on my cherry tree have fallen. Maybe it was me, maybe it was this hot as hell green house that reached over a fucking 100. Well I will never know and I will also not have cherries.

The new green house is up. These below in the picture are all the extra pieces in case anything flies off or gets lost.

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Jk there are all the pieces I didn’t know where the hell they go so fuck it. It’s a bag full but the instructions were complete crap. Literally a picture with over a hundred numbers. Some of the holes to put the screws in are missing or an inch away from ware they should be. I had to drill them myself. I know I could have sent it back, but I was half way through and I’m a handy bitch so holes I made. Lesson learned though I will never again buy a knock off Harbor Freight green house to save 200 dollars. You know what I will, 200 is a lot and I’ve done this once and succeeded.

I don’t know how people could grow food in Alaska. I can barely grow leeks in California winter. Well I did grow like five things but I’m watching shows and their growing berries, lettuce, sunflowers, tomatoes, onions and fucking orange trees! In the snow! I’m pretty sure I grew my first brussel sprout tree thing. It looks like it, but the stem or trunk is crooked as all hell so I’m not sure, but I am sure it looks like tiny brussels are coming off the sides. So, I am just going to say it I planted a crooked brussels sprout tree and it’s the cutest most prize piece of my garden today. Tomorrow I probably won’t care anymore. Something new will sprout and I’ll lose my mind again.

fvffg

My neighbor’s cat, he’s a large grey cat with no tail weights about 20 lbs. came into my garden and dug a hole like he was trying to reach the center of the earth. He didn’t even shit in the garden he just dug out every single melon seedling. He didn’t discriminate all honey dew gone, watermelon gone and the unlabeled seeds that looked like melon seeds gone. I really can’t believe this trash. (I’m working on my cussing it’s a long process) I sprinkled salt, put jars of water out to scare him like every one of my hard core Mexican tias and neighbors swear by. His family is white he clearly doesn’t give a shit about Mexican garden voodoo. That is until I summon the Chupacabra and the CuCui to handle this fur monster.

I’ve been watering these flower seeds I got last month. Its this cute mix of tons of pink flowers. I only ever do sun flower so these flowers I’m excited about. There not sprouting at all. Yet the strawberry plant I let die in the back of the green house who just so happened to get a sprits of rain water one time two weeks ago it already growing a baby bush. I added more seeds, more water and some mulch. I thought maybe the soil was getting dry, I don’t know. There in the rain gutter garden. I love it its cute but I feel like something is stealing all the water I put in there if that makes any sense

I walked across my yard in my new crocs and stepped all over shit again. Ugh. Now I know why every time I walk my dogs I see signs in yards “I see you and your dog your on camera now”. As soon as those signs went up I noticed shit all over my yard. That person must have changed their route and now the shit stop is my house.

ugh.

My cat Big Grey Al being a model

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Pepperchini pretending to be interested in the new greenhouse building supplies. The green house after the wind blew it apart (I put the pieces to hold the panels in wrong)