Come back to me.

I know I know…it’s been forever since I’ve posted anything and no my garden did not die…. yet. ha. I’ve been writing not editing or posting so I’m super behind but I’m still going to post past events. My garden mistakes can be your tomato plant saviors. So this will go pretty fast through a few seasons, crap weather and animals ruining my life o and people. Let’s get started.

Imagine a warm beautiful sunny day. The birds are chirping, wind is low, all the falling leaves missed your yard, neighbors minding their own fucking business. Then your garden comes into view. Who the fuck took a shit on the side of my yard?! Right there …. there on the pavement. So, I know this isn’t garden related but it did happen in my garden 5 feet away from my potato growing fabric sack. I put a lock on my fence this will never happen again. Ever ever ever. I stop the ground while refusing to pick this shit up. I will just not look in that direction until nature runs its course and the poo just magically disappears into the wind. (It dried up pretty fast) I used a piece of cardboard to move it out onto the street so the city can pick this filth up with the street cleaning machine thing.

Ugh. Ongoing.

I planted carrots last year and when I watered the seeds they floated towards one side of the garden bed. But when I say “I planted” I mean I tossed seeds on the top of fluffed soil thinking they would just bury themselves in like little cats snuggling blankets, they did not. They turned into lil boats and floated away. This year I have started them off in egg cartons. I laid the carton in my raised bed cut them to size then added soil and seeds there perfectly spaced apart. Then I moved them to the green house to sprout, it’s still to rainy and cold then sunny. Just to unpredictable to grow them outside.

I did a rainbow mix carrot seed and a barrel carrot. The barrel ones grow small and round and the picture looks cute. So there’s my main reason for growing that type. The rainbow one I just really love, there so fun looking and brighten up any meal and my bunny looks like a crazy cannibal after eating the red ones ❤

I also started some watermelon radish in the tubs, I went to a Korean bbq spot and they had radish paper, just plain white and fucking tasty. The seeds I purchased grow green radish with a red inside. I’m hoping to make my own radish paper and pull them out at our Sunday family bbqs along with the peen shaped chilies I’m growing ahhhhhh. I’m to excited to force feed my family dick shaped chilies with cream cheese and bacon inside.  TO EXCITED ❤

I will close this short comeback segment with this unwanted visitor.

(Its kind of cute with its lil eye sticks)

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choke me.

I bought artichoke seeds today and fabric root bags, I guess that’s what they’re called. I’m using those for my plants that last all year and need protection from the shitty weather we’ve been experiencing. I’m also going to build a lil cinder block shelf so I can sprout more plants since I went and got the bigger cups now I have no space. I needed the shelf anyway if I’m going to successfully grow tons of different types of plants this year. My chamomile seeds sprouted!! can’t say I’m not super beyond excited. Last year none of my chamomile seeds sprouted at all, this year is showing signs of improvement, mint green thumb slowing turning into a bridge trolls green thumb.

 I took my fur babies to get groomed today so I had plenty of time and no one to grab my things away, So pretty productive overall. I printed labels out for my plastic cups and taped them on. No water has damaged them yet and its legible unlike my hand written labels. I will try to do this more I really like seeing the perfect lil print the cups. (chances are I won’t stick with it cuz I’m a busy bee)

I was so excited about my artichoke seeds I googled “when will they be ready for my consumption” and I got a shitload of articles on eating placenta wtf? I realized I didn’t ask a question on artichokes, just a basic consumption question lol. So re-questioned with artichokes in mind and success and disappointment spilled out my brains. It will take a year for my bush to provide me with any chokes. So I will not be an artichoke harvester this year, maybe next </3 on the bright side on the police do not cross tape I will be a harvester of tomatoes and carrots for sure and peas those plants seem to be sprouting like weeds. I pray for no weeds and Salma Hayek’s rack will see what happens first ha.

Sprouted so far

And this guy black tomato plant looking like a lil lock ness monster

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saving plant lives..kinda

100% lied last post. I did not put my Stevia plant in a pot. I pretty much tossed it in a bucket of dirt and forgot about it a few days. But I have made up for it since, now that I know it’s going to last all year I bought a fabric garden bag so I could move it in and out the greenhouse depending on the weather. I even bought one for the mystery plant whom I named Dracula like my true love (Bram Stroker’s Dracula, all others not my type) Vampires shouldn’t sparkle or go in daylight. wtf is this nuclear plant vampires. Uggg disgusting might as well give them tentacles and five dicks.

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Soooooo I took out my seeds from last year and some from soooo many years ago and yes they did work last year maybe the expiration date was just a suggestion. I went on eBay and looked at seeds I’ve been dying to try since last year or want to see if there real. Example: the blue watermelon, green outside blue in the inside. There was a lot on the internet saying don’t buy this it is a hoax, it’s not real, there regular watermelon blah blah blah. I bought them last year anyway thinking but what if all the pennies I threw in the wishing well my entire childhood have accumulated a savings account of magic that I can use to grow these blue on the inside watermelons. Turns out the internet was right my thoughts were wrong. Fuck it because I’m buying them off another eBay seller maybe the last seller didn’t know enough voodoo to create a perfect blue watermelon and this one does. Cross your fingers everyone daddy wants a blue melon this year.

Last year I also sang to my plants in my best Whitney Houston singing voice those of you who know me know I can’t sing or dance that’s my sister not me. Sigh…tears…..poison cookies. I heard somewhere that they would grow better and every day they looked the same small no sign of growth. So one day I stopped. They didn’t deserve my talent and they grew 2 whole fking inches overnight. I guess silence is best at least in my case ha.

Ill probably be om seeds the next few days I really want to get semi decent start.