F-ing new year

Guess what my news year’s resolution was for 2018? To get my garden life together!!!! What better time to start then a few days before the years end. I took all my notes and drawings of what I imagined I would accomplish this year and merge them all into a 2-day semi fun filled pile of work. Everything is muddy as hell the rain has come and gone come again for 2 seconds and gone like rushed porn scene.

 My neighbors across the way got a new cat. You know how I can tell? Cat shit in the garden again and compost pile. I forgot to cover it since I didn’t have to, the cats around the block and I have an agreement. I put out the food they shit in someone else yard.

I decided to put the wire mesh material over the actual bed instead of the sides like a fence. I think his fat fluffy ass is jumping on the brick wall jumping into the dirt then jumping back. I laid the fence material down thinking yes this is grand. I brought my grey cat out to test this new way of garden life and no he can not shit there. Your probably thinking perfect finally I will never read about cat shit in the garden again and this is true. But now you will hear of leaves. Leaves!!! Every ware. Soon as raked up there piles of leaves and put the wire down they managed to squeeze there wide body’s in the tiny holes. Ugh. Will this never end? I just want a garden that looks like it’s being maintained by fairies and clean trolls.

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Ugh. So, I will now rush myself into the phase I was going to try out in the summer. I’m going to build a pvc pipe and green house material coverup thing for the raised beds in the front yard. I will be back….

Back.

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 I measured twice, cut once. Clearly measured wrong now I need another pipe. I couldn’t find all the parts I needed so I used hot glue. Horrible idea, I burnt my fingers and the pipes didn’t stick.

I now have all the parts I need after going to another store and find pieces that would randomly stick together. Eeeeeeee excited. I used pvc pipe glue, its like super glue I couldn’t move the pipe after I put the glue on and placed it so its wonky as fuck. 😦 I couldn’t get netting any ware it town so I ordered on amazon.

Other then the plastic cover its done and its grand as long as the wind doesn’t take it away like it did my trampoline I should be on my merry gardening way.

FIN

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I grew a fucking JICAMA!!!!!

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The garden in my soul..

Today I said fuck this garden. I didn’t mean it but now all the blossoms on my cherry tree have fallen. Maybe it was me, maybe it was this hot as hell green house that reached over a fucking 100. Well I will never know and I will also not have cherries.

The new green house is up. These below in the picture are all the extra pieces in case anything flies off or gets lost.

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Jk there are all the pieces I didn’t know where the hell they go so fuck it. It’s a bag full but the instructions were complete crap. Literally a picture with over a hundred numbers. Some of the holes to put the screws in are missing or an inch away from ware they should be. I had to drill them myself. I know I could have sent it back, but I was half way through and I’m a handy bitch so holes I made. Lesson learned though I will never again buy a knock off Harbor Freight green house to save 200 dollars. You know what I will, 200 is a lot and I’ve done this once and succeeded.

I don’t know how people could grow food in Alaska. I can barely grow leeks in California winter. Well I did grow like five things but I’m watching shows and their growing berries, lettuce, sunflowers, tomatoes, onions and fucking orange trees! In the snow! I’m pretty sure I grew my first brussel sprout tree thing. It looks like it, but the stem or trunk is crooked as all hell so I’m not sure, but I am sure it looks like tiny brussels are coming off the sides. So, I am just going to say it I planted a crooked brussels sprout tree and it’s the cutest most prize piece of my garden today. Tomorrow I probably won’t care anymore. Something new will sprout and I’ll lose my mind again.

fvffg

My neighbor’s cat, he’s a large grey cat with no tail weights about 20 lbs. came into my garden and dug a hole like he was trying to reach the center of the earth. He didn’t even shit in the garden he just dug out every single melon seedling. He didn’t discriminate all honey dew gone, watermelon gone and the unlabeled seeds that looked like melon seeds gone. I really can’t believe this trash. (I’m working on my cussing it’s a long process) I sprinkled salt, put jars of water out to scare him like every one of my hard core Mexican tias and neighbors swear by. His family is white he clearly doesn’t give a shit about Mexican garden voodoo. That is until I summon the Chupacabra and the CuCui to handle this fur monster.

I’ve been watering these flower seeds I got last month. Its this cute mix of tons of pink flowers. I only ever do sun flower so these flowers I’m excited about. There not sprouting at all. Yet the strawberry plant I let die in the back of the green house who just so happened to get a sprits of rain water one time two weeks ago it already growing a baby bush. I added more seeds, more water and some mulch. I thought maybe the soil was getting dry, I don’t know. There in the rain gutter garden. I love it its cute but I feel like something is stealing all the water I put in there if that makes any sense

I walked across my yard in my new crocs and stepped all over shit again. Ugh. Now I know why every time I walk my dogs I see signs in yards “I see you and your dog your on camera now”. As soon as those signs went up I noticed shit all over my yard. That person must have changed their route and now the shit stop is my house.

ugh.

My cat Big Grey Al being a model

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Pepperchini pretending to be interested in the new greenhouse building supplies. The green house after the wind blew it apart (I put the pieces to hold the panels in wrong)

Garden reset

I love sims and moving things around with minimal effort. I wish gardening was like that. Instead of dig, dig, dig.. just click… click …. click no not there. here…click. PERFECT

I recovered the greenhouse. This new cover is so dam great. The door is so wide compared to the last one I feel like I could carry like 80 things in my arms while walking in.

I have survivors from last year or maybe seeds that decided to be part of the show now either way excited. There’s on asparagus plant and three carrots. I was redoing the garden beds in the back yard getting ready for dam spring, so I transplanted them into pot to fully grow and shoved into the green house. I thought they were weeds but realized it was a lil carrot with some delicate digging and dusting.

I was full force going at the garden until my shovel broke, 2nd one this year. Garden time is now crying time. Have you seen the prices of shovels these days? Are they fucking gold plated? Gosh. I’ve retired from the side yard back to the green house. I’m filling up trays with dirt, getting strawberries ready to sprout. I see them doing the strawberry fields already so I’m assuming its ok. Plus, there in a greenhouse should be good.

The weather has been shit! A disgusting pattern of hot, rain, ice, rain, rain, hail, blistering heat followed by ice again. Winter hasn’t been my prime growing period ever. My watermelon radish look like dirty witch fingers again. The rain brought wind with it, my greenhouse moved a whole foot. My frame is loose and a piece fell off ugh. Don’t get me started on the leaves. My yard has no trees, not one! but I seem to have the whole blocks tree leaves all over, knee deep. It could be less if I regularly raked but I don’t so leaves to the knees while I walk around like a daddy long leg spider. Dam branches fell on my greenhouse, they must have seen me recover it and wanted to get a better look at this fine thick plastic and ever so large door. I wouldn’t mind them so much if they weren’t so big they knocked my carrots at an angle, all my trays dangling.

I sit and pray to every single god “spare my greenhouse my carrots, I just planted them. No lord why me?”. I get religious during garden time and finals.

I just got a new micro camera. Here are some pics hope you enjoy.

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Eggs from a random animal I put in a jar lets see what comes out

Spider mites ruining my plants and life

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whiteflies finally see there disgusting greedy faces.

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ew more. how can one garden have so many intruders. This one is my favorite even though she is feeding her family my plants.

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A dry alpine berry nothing but seeds.