Sprouts of complaints

I want a garden like that song “with or without you” You know a garden that grows with or without you. An independent garden that looks at you and says “Pshhhh I don’t need you. I’m an independent garden” “I’ll grow on my dam own fertilize and weed myself, fuck you if you think I need YOU. You need me” And I would nod and say yes. Yes, I need you don’t go. Where would I be without you? I just mowed my lawn and its huge again. I was walking around and boom I lost a croc. I always told myself crocs were for the garden only and I would not walk out my house with them on onto the streets. But I spend so much time in the garden forgetting stuff going back to the store to retrieve and kicking cat shit into the street (can’t do that with regular shoes). Neighbors caught me this time my excuse is it’s your fucking cat! Buy it a litter box like a regular cat. He’s not special!! the world isn’t his litter box Jan. Its Margret, Linda or something I don’t remember its been years since I pretended to want to get to know my neighbors. Anyway, going back to crocs. Crocs are life and a staple of my wardrobe now. I don’t even know what laces are anymore.

I saw a blue faced chicken on Instagram today. I was already creaming myself that something so amazing and magical exist.  I’m assuming it’s like that blue watermelon seeds I found on eBay. Those of you who deeply know me know I will fucking buy those again. Its about trial and error maybe just maybe I didn’t fertilize it enough to turn blue who knows. Maybe I need a gold shovel to make the garden magic work. I don’t know, but I will figure this out I want blue dam melons.

I go to this hydroponics store a lot almost once a week. I think they thought I was growing mountains of weed. For example- store guy: “for nice buds use this, for maxim buds here and for taller trees this pack”. “Everyone uses liquid but give solids a try you won’t regret it, Oh and this is perfect for cloning plants you’ll have buds in no time”. Me: “hmmmmmm does that work for tomatoes to? and my radish looked like dry ass ball sacks. What can I do for that? I also have these pictures of these porn star status zucchini and cucumbers I grew with the products you recommended last year thank you”. Btw super impressed with my giant ass zucchinis and cucumbers and now they know I’m growing vegetables.

This random rain is really pissing me off. I don’t understand how one day I could be burning alive in my garden and the next day I can’t step any ware without rain assaulting my face. I’ve been saving worms from puddles all freaking day. I should get a medal my fingers are cold prune tips. There is a reward though I toss them all into my leaf and eggshell compost pile and that dirt has been amazing year after year.

In closing.

fuck my neighbors cat.



someone ate a lizard and puked it up






Cleaning my life.

Nothing to exciting today just going to clean my growing space. I hope my before and after pics are so dramatic and amazing that the bitches at Better Homes and Garden all cream their panties simultaneously. I really want to buy a chicken or maybe build some stairs. I don’t have a two story house or anything but stairs to no ware eventually lead to some ware. Maybe a cloud will stop by and be like whoa are those stairs? this garden is fking fantastic so fantastic I’m am going to rain on it all day and ruin your life! fuck your heirloom tomatoes. No cloud….fuck you dot exclamation point dot dot

As I cleaned today I noticed a lot of worms coming out of the ground. I scooped the worms up and put into a bowl. I usually feed them to my koi but today I will be tossing them into the dirt that I have taken from all the raised beds and pots. (This is old dirt I’m going to reuse)

I was going to add nutrient pellets to my dirt but as I poured my pots out and scooped the raised beds I noticed tons of worms and bugs had broken down all leaves and mulch from last year. I’m taking that as a sign my dirt is pretty dam good. But I will be mixing in some compost I started last year unintentionally. In other words, I raked leaves and piles grass clippings into one area I kept saying I would toss into the street on road cleaning day never did. In return I got beautiful dark compost.

I look for signs of repair needed on my raised beds. I did an extremely shitty job on them the first time so will see how this second round goes. My stevia plant is clinging for dear life in the dirt in one of the beds so I removed it put in a pot in the green house. While shoveling out the dirt into big tubs I find a clump of roots with tiny leaves. I don’t remember what it is but I will give it a fighting chance and move it to a pot as well.

I took apart two of the raised beds the third one seemed to be in tip top shape. I used a drill and screws this time to put them together instead of nails. Not going to lie I feel like such a fucking lumberjack, carpenter right now. I really do feel like I could put up a fence and build a dam house out of any piece of reclaimed wood. For now I will stick to raised beds and bunny doors and the occasional piece of wood I randomly nail to something because I’m a crafter and crafters do shit that. That’s really all for today literally took me hours to clean my dogs mess and try to locate my bunny’s holes.

Pictures from top to bottom to middle then side

Found my cookie sheet finally I don’t know how it got there. Next two pics just my mess from my pretend gardening last year after the sun and bunny combined killed my crops. Beginning gardening super serious later gardening crying into dry plants. Unlike  Tangled’s princess tears mine did not bring them back to life lol (you can see my raised beds falling apart). I love this main grinder garden bed ❤ my life partner found it in the freaken trash at work looked amazing with sun flowers last year. It will hold carrots this year. Middle bottom is my hammer and screw I’m officially a builder of things. Final is finished garden beds with soil I will be adding more once I get ready to transplant and compost in the huge wooden box that was also found in the trash heap.

Get ready…look who woke up!! nearly lost my marbles when I entered the green house.


Its a round carrot, package said container carrot.