Death in the garden

It rained today. Like poured, shower head coming out of the clouds type of rain. I stood outside feeling like the alien on “The faculty”. The cold wind in my face, leaves hitting my skin, my tentacles reaching out to collect the droplets of water to feed my dry soul. Then I remember I have clothes on the fucking line ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. All of them soaked I will not have panties for the next 3 days!!! just kidding mainly socks I think I’ll live.

My carrots died 😦 it has left a temporary hole in my soul. Being that its early in the season and I can replant them and have carrots this year still. I tended their green tops and fertilized their soil. I imagine this feeling is the same as when my school yard friend Alicia’s Tamagotchi family died and she cried all recess. Uggg garden life. All these fking roots. Why didn’t you suck up this water? I feel like Rocky screaming Adrian in that alley on what, what is it rocky 2 maybe? except I’m screaming why???!!!!  whhhhyyyyyy !!!!!!! my neighbor’s dog is barking at me. My dogs don’t care as they are used to my behavior already and my constant bickering at them to get their life together and contribute to the family garden.

 My grass grew up to my knees and I refuse to cut it, it’s so wet with all this much needed but pissing me off rain. Other than that, I was pretty excited today. This beautiful orange stripped cat has been coming to my grass to hop around and just be a cute ass. I love him, I want to bring him in but my other cats would die of jealously. They already need their own bowl of food each because god forbid the other cat breath on his kibble.

I started de-weeding my soil in the wooden box outside. Thinking about the cat and all his fluffy tailness. Then I spotted it. Cat shit! in my fucking garden. In my potato bag. In my everything that had dirt. He has come to my yard to shit and distract me with his look at my fluffy ass. I’m going to just lounge and sun bathe in your yard. Reality being soon as you walk inside Ima jump jump jump to the side of your house and crap on your plants. Fuck this cat. I just noticed as well he has been ripping out my plant children, seedlings every ware. I am going to find out ware he lives.


A survivor from last year this year


There he is, the garden shitter

2 thoughts on “Death in the garden

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  1. I too have one cat on the inside and one rogue shit machine on the outside. The little bastard crapped by my onions last week.
    I’m considering getting one of those ultra sonic cat screecher thingies that scares them away… Only it will likely scare mine too when it goes out to sit in the garden (Ours doesn’t leave the garden so I know she doesn’t upset the neighbours… Not that any of them grows anything other than horrid kids and weeds.

    Sorry to hear about the rain doing a number on your veggies though. Maybe try some raised beds next time and hope the water drains out quicker?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have tons of fabric bags to plant in I just haven’t set them up 😦 I’m trying to kill of the grass on one side of my yard so I’m not constantly mowing weeds out the way to garden. I keep find dangling snails in my green house I didn’t know they did that.


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