I’m back like Freddy

I should be searching for next semester classes but instead I’m explaining to my coworker how Instagram makes me self-conscious about my garden. It’s weird I read articles’ all day about how it makes people body conscious, but instead of questioning why Jenny rack is bigger than mine. I’m over here like are these carrots fucking real? How much illegal fertilizer are they using to bloat up those fat ass squash. What color green is that? is that paint?

It rained today btw (it’s been raining while I sleep for days). I went outside and held out my hands to moisten my inner sea witch. My summer garden is still clinging to life as winter takes ahold of my soul. I didn’t think they would make it this long, but the frost is barely coming. Today actually was the first day a light frost came over the lawn that magically grew in my front yard.

 I have tried to make tomato sauce almost 10x already and have not succeeded.

I cleaned out one garden bed ware my pile of malnourished radish and forgotten carrots laid. Summer just wasn’t my summer for variety. I over planted tomatoes and they took up the whole garden stealing sun from any plant I dare put within 2ft of them. I bought a miscellaneous chili plant and I can’t figure out what the hell it is. It looks like a baby tree and offers a great bounty. All the chilis look like un-circumcised dicks. So overall, I had eggplant, tomato, my chive scrap garden, water melon, honey dew and random chilis. I guess that’s ok. I really wanted my radish to come out, but another year of none.

Last year I had butterflies and lady bugs up the ass. This year I haven’t seen crap except dirty moths and aphid dicks all over the garden. This must be why I only grew one melon. 1 beautiful melon the most beautiful melon I’ve ever seen. Three melons in all grew but I didn’t notice the other two. They hid under the tomato plant and gophers ate them. Even as they lay cracked open their sweet smell filled my nostrils. I bet that gopher would taste just as sweet cooked on an open flame.

Less cussing working on myself <3. Jk. Just couldn’t fit fuck any ware.

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I find it crazy how they barely move but do so much damage.

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I had tons of spiders this season. Fancy lil striped leggings

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I don’t relax, I garden

I was thinking about my garden and my plants as I dig up weeds tossing dirt around. All their leaves and fruits are eaten! One plant has a tiny  disapointing rotten chili then I go on to my blog and write “My plants bring me joy! I love them! I loved them since they were seeds” as I come inside after flipping them off numerous times.

I Found out what the animal ruining my yard was just last week. It’s a racoon, yup. Him and his lil burglar face have been ruining my plants, biting tomatoes, harassing my bunny and stealing his food. How do I know it stole his food? well he had a piece of toast. That piece of toast ended up in the front yard where the lil coon ran to. I really do love raccoons, they are so freaking cute. I’m going to just put motion lights since he only visits at night to terrorize me. Hopefully this keeps him away (but how many times have I said lights will go up?) If not, I will have to trap and release him some ware else far far far away from the land of free vegetables and toast.

I keep seeing these cute lil rain gutter gardens, I want one, I NEED one. last time I went to Lowes I had the most awful experience with shithole customer service, yes, I’m talking about you Lowes in Gilroy, fuck you! 8 employees siting on their assholes in the garden section not one of them could do what their paid to do and lower fking bricks down. I waited 40 fking minutes and now I know why serial killers exist. They go to stores like this trying to relieve their stress, working in a garden, building bird houses etc. Only to have assholes like that make them wait around, and feel ridiculously unimportant because you know making money for the company you work for is sooo down the list of shit you should be doing ugh. So I went to Home Depot. Someone helped me within 1 fucking minute, 1 I wish I could capitalize a number one. I can’t so I will bold it 1 (take notes Lowes). I got a 10-foot piece of gutter and two sets of end caps and some hook things 4 of them for under thirty dollars. I want to cut it in half and do five feet each. I haven’t really chosen a cite yet, so this might change and I might have to pick more caps and hooks up will see. So far on task and mood is great. Things will get done. I will not drop kick my to-do list this week.

Surprise pea plant

Forgot I planted peas out of ten seeds only one to sprout.

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Tomato’s in the green house living still. Everyone outside shrived to raisins

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Spider in the greenhouse taking care of the nasty winged bugs.

 

 

In real time

I bet your wondering. Yvette ……with all these garden mishaps, why or why do you still garden? and simply I can put it as the sun comes up and I feel the need, the need to create and grow and make this world a more beautiful and fruitful place. Just kidding.

It’s because I pretty much feel like I’m a mermaid but a woodland fairy as well therefore I will make this green thumb catch a spark and work this year. fucking work thumb. Also because I want “TO CATCH” (in a net or other trap) the person who robbed my garden on camera. So garden = catching thief, also using the new seeds I bought. Hopefully cross your fingers. I’ve decided to put up motion lights to deter the night time menace. I’ve made numerous upgrades which I will lead us through now…..or later I have plans on plans on plans on paper and in my brain. We will get to everything together

My greenhouse isn’t taking this cold, wet, hot weather very well. I guess weather in general. I can see tons of lil holes. I did buy a new cover I’m just waiting for the mail to deliver it to me.

I find myself complaining about my winter garden often. It’s not even winter yet. I had to google when winter was. I just assumed because I freeze to death every night and every dam house has Christmas lights up, it must be winter. I was getting ready for the change in season and some asshole decided to help me out by falling over my fence into my huge tomato bushes barely missing my purple tomatillo plant. Now I’m down three bushes. They fell on top of tons of plastic forks I put in the dirt to keep the cats away. I hope they forked there eye out. I didn’t even take a picture of that area it looked like a “real garden” you know the garden you imagine in your head when you plant your seeds. My imaginary garden waters and weeds itself but this raised bed was as close to my idea as possible.  I’m getting ready for my winter garden so super beyond excited but also sick of my shovel and my hose and this tree blocking all my dam sun light.

List of things to do:

Recover my green house

Reclaim yard from the leaf menace

All else can wait.

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The tomato’s I was able to salavage from my smushed plants.

Tiny left over carrot from last years bunch and some gross bugs with big bodies and tiny plant stomping legs.